The seeds have been revealed ... we're all set for Friday's World Cup group draw. The headline, of course, is that France will not be drawn in Pot 1 with the rest of the usual suspects.
After seeing every avenue to South Africa blocked, Ireland will have to find consolation in Sepp Blatter's convoluted brand of justice. Instead of finding a way in for the team that deserves to be in, they're trying to find a quiet way out for the one that doesn't. Think of the outrage if they went on to win it? Was FIFA’s decision to use the ONE and ONLY formula that doesn’t seed France a misdirected attempt to reinstitute a sense of fairness? Not exclusively. But it sure was convenient.
And I have a feeling Sepp’s not done. I wonder if France might be earmarked for the group of death, perhaps with FIFA’s other ugly duckling, Argentina. Please let this happen... please. Just think of the undercard:
Hand of God vs. Hand of Frog. Maradona's closed fist punch was perhaps the single most cunning act of cheating ever perpetrated. It actually looked graceful. Maradona in midair, Peter Shilton in slightly lower air, reaching for the ball at once--if that famous photo were your first image of the game, you would think it was meant to be played that way. On the other hand (bah-dum-ch!) Henry's nice to meet you handshake with the ball dealt a more severe injustice. Yes, a single goal was the difference in the England v. Argentina '86 match, but Argentina were the better team and Maradona also scored the Goal of the Century only four minutes later. In France's case, not only was it undeserved, but it was the rich stealing from the poor. Wealthy nobles like Henry, Anelka and Evra filching from paupers like Paul McShane and Heath St. Ledger might be more in tune with the real spirit of cheating (and thus the "greater" act of it). Either way, I can picture volleyballs pinging between through the stands to the bemusement of English and Irish everywhere.
After seeing every avenue to South Africa blocked, Ireland will have to find consolation in Sepp Blatter's convoluted brand of justice. Instead of finding a way in for the team that deserves to be in, they're trying to find a quiet way out for the one that doesn't. Think of the outrage if they went on to win it? Was FIFA’s decision to use the ONE and ONLY formula that doesn’t seed France a misdirected attempt to reinstitute a sense of fairness? Not exclusively. But it sure was convenient.
And I have a feeling Sepp’s not done. I wonder if France might be earmarked for the group of death, perhaps with FIFA’s other ugly duckling, Argentina. Please let this happen... please. Just think of the undercard:
Hand of God vs. Hand of Frog. Maradona's closed fist punch was perhaps the single most cunning act of cheating ever perpetrated. It actually looked graceful. Maradona in midair, Peter Shilton in slightly lower air, reaching for the ball at once--if that famous photo were your first image of the game, you would think it was meant to be played that way. On the other hand (bah-dum-ch!) Henry's nice to meet you handshake with the ball dealt a more severe injustice. Yes, a single goal was the difference in the England v. Argentina '86 match, but Argentina were the better team and Maradona also scored the Goal of the Century only four minutes later. In France's case, not only was it undeserved, but it was the rich stealing from the poor. Wealthy nobles like Henry, Anelka and Evra filching from paupers like Paul McShane and Heath St. Ledger might be more in tune with the real spirit of cheating (and thus the "greater" act of it). Either way, I can picture volleyballs pinging between through the stands to the bemusement of English and Irish everywhere.
Scarface vs. Scarneck. In a battle-royale of ugly, two men will ultimately determine: Who can make more children cry?
Ribery of France or Tevez of Argentina? Which baby-eater do you fancy?
France fans vs. Argentina fans. The contest will be in the stands, too: which set of fans will mercilessly boo their own manager louder? If effigies were allowed in the stadiums, this would turn into burning man.
Domenech vs. Maradona. And the fans have every right to be pissed. Just who is more incompetent? This is our one opportunity to find out (one of them might get another job; definitely not both), FIFA has to give this to us.
And... what if this were the third fixture for each team, both coming in having already been eliminated at the hands of say… Ivory Coast and Mexico? Could it be that both managers are dismissed right then and there after the final whistle? Or even better, could we get halftime player mutinies a la Varsity Blues in each locker room? Just picture it: William Gallas as Mox giving the rallying cry “But if we go out there and give it all we've got... that's heroic. You guys wanna be heroes?” “MES OUI” and “HAW HAW HAWNG” rings across the locker room while in his office Domenech wipes tears off of a photo of he and Zidane from the last World Cup. Wouldn’t that be worth all this handball drama?
It should also be mentioned that the seeding controversy coincides with FIFA opening a formal inquiry of France volleyball captain Thierry Henry. Last year, a similar incident in a Italian Serie A match saw Alberto Gilardino suspended for two matches. If that’s used as precedent, Henry will miss the first two matches of the World Cup. Given the form France are in, it could mean that Henry has played in his last World Cup match of consequence. In light of Tigergate, I’m starting to think there is a Gillette commercial curse. Next up: Roger Federer found to be the head of a giant Ponzi Scheme? Regardless, I'm pretty sure we won't be seeing that trifecta of honest world sportsmen pawning the new Gillette Octo anytime soon.
As an Arsenal fan, I’m saddened by all of this, but relative to the falls from grace experienced by most American sports heroes, I should be probably be relieved. He’s not a bitter gambler like Jordan… or an admitted meth user like Agassi... no cloud of suspected steroids or double murder in Brentwood to worry about. I hope he can just quietly exit stage left this summer and be remembered as an Arsenal great rather than the worst thing to happen in Ireland since the potato famine. After all, he just wanted to go to the World Cup... don’t we all?
As an Arsenal fan, I’m saddened by all of this, but relative to the falls from grace experienced by most American sports heroes, I should be probably be relieved. He’s not a bitter gambler like Jordan… or an admitted meth user like Agassi... no cloud of suspected steroids or double murder in Brentwood to worry about. I hope he can just quietly exit stage left this summer and be remembered as an Arsenal great rather than the worst thing to happen in Ireland since the potato famine. After all, he just wanted to go to the World Cup... don’t we all?
-L.
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