On John Terry and Schadenfreude  

I’ll probably sound bitter and petty taking pleasure from the misery of others, but in my defense: it’s a survival tactic.  I don’t think I could stand the tortuous cycle of unbound hope and utter despair that is Arsenal FC if I couldn’t capitalize on the losses and shortcomings of others.  So far this season, Liverpool have, time and time again, been there to soothe the anguish of Arsenal’s bumpy campaign.  Arsenal got thumped at home by Chelsea, but Liverpool were there for me when I needed them, promptly getting knocked out of the Champions League.  When Arsenal drew to Burnley, Liverpool lost to Portsmouth. 

Yesterday, John Terry stepped in and did the job.  The captain of England and Chelsea (for whom I have an unreasonably passionate distaste) allegedly had an affair with the long-time girlfriend of England teammate and supposed best friend, Wayne Bridge.  The Daily Mirror reports that England captain Terry not only cuckolded Bridge, but also impregnated his girlfriend and forced her into a hasty abortion.  That John Terry is a classy man. 

This comes shortly after allegations that he took payouts to give journalists an unauthorized tour of Chelsea’s training grounds.  Which came shortly after John Terry’s father sold cocaine to an undercover reporter.  Which came shortly after John Terry’s mother was cited for shoplifting.  That Terry brood is a classy family. 

Though Chelsea are standing by their captain, there’s a good chance Terry will be stripped of the England armband only months shy of the World Cup.  Captaining England in the World Cup is probably the thing John Terry wants most and now he can't have it.  This makes me smile.  It must be the same shameful joy the eight Phil Mickelson fans in the world were experiencing when the Tiger extravaganza broke.  And for now, it’s good enough to take my mind off of Arsenal related anxiety.  Do I feel bad for Wayne Bridge or his unfaithful girlfriend?  No, to be honest.   But do I at least feel bad for sharing my Schadenfreud over this little internet outpost?  Ashamed, frankly.  

But it’s only 12 hours until Arsenal face Man United with their title hopes on the line.  I need all the smiles I can muster.  


John Terry's tears taste like Dom Perignon to me.