Author's Note
I told myself I was going steer clear of the cliche "Top Ten" lists that swallow the internet whole around this time of year (they're especially prevalent now as there's not only 2009 to cover in ten glib summations, but an entire decade), but I couldn't help myself. The fact of the matter is, I'm a total whore for them. Growing up a sports fan, card collector and Asian, I have a natural predilection for statistics, rankings and all things that can be qualified into neat lists. I could give a damn about law or business school, but would I like to know the top ten schools? Why yes, yes I would. Top ten American cities to live? I have no intentions of moving but yeah, I'll take a gander at that, too. Just the other day I almost peeked into one those gossip mags at the grocery store checkout, lured by the cover's promise of "Top Ten Scandals of the Year!" (As I reached for it, a moderately attractive female got in line behind me; instinctually, I picked up Men's Health. "Only 10 minutes a day for sculpted biceps? I've been wasting my time!") It only figures that I find myself absorbed by such meaningless end of year protocol when it actually has to do with a genuine interest of mine.
So why would I want to avoid personally dabbling in the genre? Well, these lists are classically disappointing as actual reading material; more than anything else, their growing popularity are symptomatic of our culture's ever declining attention span. They are not actual writing, after all, just bullet point fragments that can be consumed and forgotten in the time we wait for that indecisive fat guy in front of us at the check out line to figure out if he still wants those cream puffs now that he knows they're not on sale. And, as someone who has no credentials to compile such lists with any authority or conviction, I feared playing into the cliché would also compound their meaninglessness.
But then I realized something, something critical: This is a fucking blog. The internal grapple with my supposed principles and integrity is just as, if not more, pointless than whatever end product I could possibly put in this space. So here it is, the first of a few such lists. I’ll start with perhaps the most obvious cliché…
Top Ten Goals of 2009
Let me preface this list by saying that this is, by no means, comprehensive. Though I watched an appalling amount of soccer through 2009, I am only one geek and, despite the value of the internet, could not have possibly seen every goal scored this year. That being said, the list is English Premier League heavy due to the coverage it receives here in the U.S.
Also, I've tried to remain as unbiased as possible; as ever, there was the urge to make this list very Arsenal-centric, but I think I've avoided that as best I could and have even included some genuinely cringe inducing characters to the list. The goals are ranked based on aesthetic quality, level of difficulty, and competitive importance. Feel free to throw in your own two cents.
(Caution: for those of you at work, each goal has a link to the video of the goal... in case The Man is lurking)
10 (tie). Lionel Messi, Barcelona vs. Lyon, Champions League Quarterfinal. Okay, so it's kind of a cheap to have a tie at #10, I know. But I simply couldn't deny the little Argentine a place in this list after the year he's had. The problem with Barcelona (and really, it's hardly a problem) is that they were simply too good in 2009. When you're mauling teams by 3 goals a game, it's hard to pick out a goal of real value; everything looks easy, few goals can really be considered critical. This is, more than anything, an acknowledgement of an entire archetype of goal scoring that Barca perfected in 2009: Messi receives ball wide right after a flowing passing move, takes on his defender cuts inside, works a combination with a teammate which cuts open the defense, then passes the ball into the corner. (Skip to 3:00 for the goal in question).
10 (tie). Emmanuel Adebayor, Arsenal vs. Villareal, Champions League Quarterfinal. You have no idea how hard it is for me to put Adebayor on this list. In 2007 he was a hero of mine; a goal scorer, a tireless worker, a flamboyant livewire. In 2008, his endless flirtations with the supposed “bigger clubs” of the world and lazy performances turned him into a mild irritant, like crabs. In 2009, he’s progressed into a full-blown herpes breakout on my soul. After a rather unceremonious departure from Arsenal for a huge payday at Manchester City in the summer, he descended into the dark side never to return when the two teams met in September. His reunion with his former teammates started with a two-footed studs up challenge on Cesc Fabregas, before stamping on Robin van Persie’s face. To cap things off, he sprinted the length of the pitch to celebrate his goal in front of the visitng Arsenal fans (and no, he wasn't recalling old times). Furthermore, it was revealed that he was a constant cad in Arsenal’s locker room in his time in North London. I hate the man. I hate the man as much as I hate any living professional athlete; it’s not even a fun hate like the way people hate Kobe or Tony Romo. He actually makes me angry. (Yes, I’m aware that ranting like this on a top ten goals list makes me sound like a bitter ex; fuck it, I can’t mention him without revealing the depths of my hate—it’s a side effect of the soul herpes he's given me). Despite all of that, I have to include this goal if I’m to claim to be unbiased. That's just how good it was. In a single movement he took a pinpoint pass from Fabregas on his chest and acrobatically volleyed the ball into the bottom corner. It provided Arsenal a precious away goal in their Champions League quarterfinal with Villareal, which they would eventually win.
9. Maynor Figueroa vs. Stoke City vs. Stoke City, English Premier League. I previously went into detail on this goal on WEEK IN FOOTBALL on Dec. 18. In terms of competitive significance, it will probably matter little in either team's seasons. But when you score from your own half the way Mr. Figueroa did, you deserve some props.
8. Andrey Arshavin, Arsenal vs. Liverpool, English Premier League. On its own the goal isn’t that spectacular. But consider that this was Arshavin’s fourth goal of the game (the goal in reference is on 3:40, unless you're a Liverpool fan, I recommend watching the whole thing, if only for the hilarious reactions of Reds coach Rafa Benitez). Consider that this was at Anfield. Consider that this was only a fraction of an eight goal thriller, a consensus pick for THE game of the season. Consider that his one-man demolition ended Liverpool's fading title hopes. Consider, also, the source of the goal: Theo Walcott running almost the length of the pitch at Anfield in the dying minutes to set up the goal, so reminiscent of the drama that ensued almost exactly two years prior on the same pitch in the Champions League. (By the way, of all the cheesy soccer puns that the PUNdits like to bandy around, I’m surprised I haven’t heard Andrey Arshavin referred to as the Kop Killer after scoring again at Anfield this season).
7. Cristiano Ronaldo, Manchester United vs. Arsenal, Champions League Semifinal. Again, this was incredibly difficult for me to include this goal here but I’m obligated by either a sense of fairness or self-loathing. I’m not sure who I hate more, Ronaldo or Adebayor; it’s a close call, like “would I rather die by falling off a cliff, or a really tall bridge.” If anything, I enjoy hating Ronaldo more: his tantrums, his Eurotrash quasi-mullets, his alleged affinity for prostitutes, etc. That being said, there was nothing enjoyable about this goal (for me). With his team already a goal to the good, Ronny (or Euro-Kobe as I like to call him) killed off my beloved Arsenal with this scorching free kick from 30 yards. Only 13 minutes into the biggest game of the season for my Gunners, it was all over. Man United had punched their ticket to the Champions League final.
6. Landon Donovan, USA vs. Brazil, Confederations Cup Finals. This might be a total homer pick, but I feel it deserves its place here for the following reasons: A) it came in the finals of a major international tournament B) it was the best goal of the best competitive international match of 2009 C) it was, on its own, a very impressive goal. I really had to convince myself that it was in fact the US national team I was watching and that it wasn’t a Brazil youth team they were playing. Ricardo Clark picked up a loose Brazilian pass at his own 18 yard box and played it one touch to Landon Donovan who in turn released Charlie Davies down the left. Donovan, who continued his run down the center of the pitch, was found by Davies with lovely first time ball before cutting inside of Fernandes and blasting a low shot past Julio Cesar in the Brazilian goal. Five touches, three players, 90 yards, the ball hardly leaves the playing surface before hitting the back of the net. Almost Brazilian, I dare say.
5. Cristiano Ronaldo, Manchester United vs. Porto, Champions League Quarterfinal. With Manchester United needing victory in the second leg of their Champions League Quarterfinal at the Stadio Dragao in Portugal, Euro-Kobe produced this rocket from what Marv Albert would refer to as “downtown,” 41 yards from goal to be precise. If there was a two-goal line in soccer, he was behind it. FIFA found it to be worthy of their inaugural Ferenc Puskas Award, given for the best goal in the calendar year. I like to think that FIFA are dead wrong, but then again, I suppose they don't take pleasure in loathing one of the world’s preeminent players.
4. Fernando Torres, Liverpool vs. Blackburn. I had the misfortune of watching the otherwise dire affair between Liverpool and Blackburn. If it weren’t for this goal, I’d trade those 90 minutes of my life for just about anything; I’d otherwise probably consider this the goal of the year. Let’s pause time momentarily and go through my train of thought as I’m watching this: “Great first touch, here comes a volley. No way he gets around it, though; into the stands, surely.” Torres pulls his leg back. “Here it comes. Can’t possibly get it all the way to the far post. Over the frame or easy save.” The ball thunders off his foot; you can actually hear how well he strikes the ball. “No fucking way.” Robinson flails, the Kop rises. “No. Fucking. Way.” The net bulges. “---“ Complete blankness. Like when Mexican peasants think they see the Virgin Mary. Everything washed in light, silence all around. Watching it live was that good. Unfortunately, it was a diamond in a mountain of shit; almost not worth reaching your hand in for.
3. Grafite, Wolfsburg vs. Bayern Munich, German Bundesliga. Relative lightweights Wolfsburg announced their arrival as favorites for the Bundesliga title with a 5-1 home trouncing of perennial powerhouses Bayern Munich. The win was rounded off by this solo effort from Grafite. The powerful Brazilian picked up the ball just inside the half way line before driving into the box, splitting two Bayern defenders, then rounding the keeper before summoning the gall to back heel the ball through a host of players in close attention and into the corner of the net. It's Keystone Cops material, someone cue the Benny Hill music. Like the Torres goal, had it come in a more decisive situation, it would probably be closer to the top.
2. Michael Essien, Chelsea vs. Barcelona, Champions League Semifinal. I remember three seasons ago when Michael Essien broke my heart by driving home this late equalizer against The Arsenal. In his thick Scottish brogue, Andy Gray provided only this as color commentary: “Oh. Mae. Goudness. What an unbelieeeevable strike.” I wonder what old Andy had to say about this one. Nine minutes into the second leg of this classic semifinal, a looping half clearance was met by Essien with a full volley. Reminiscent of Zidane’s 2002 wondergoal against Bayer Leverkusen in the Champions League final, the ball dipped ferociously just under the bar. A goal worthy of winning any match, and it looked for all the world as if it was going to do just that… well, until this happened:
1. Andres Iniesta, Barcelona vs. Chelsea, Champions League Semifinal. Cometh the hour, cometh the man, as they like to say. The diminutive Spaniard stepped up to the plate to deliver 2009’s goal of the year with Barca only minutes from elimination from the Champions League. With the outside of his foot, he found the top corner with a first time drive from 20 yards. Great goals in any game, but the circumstances promote his strike to number 1. On a larger scale, it prevented a rematch of 2008’s Champions League final between Chelsea and Manchester United and enabled Barca to complete their historic treble. But the match itself had an entire season’s drama. For starters, see goal #2, which set up an enthralling 80 minutes of attack and counter attack. Chelsea should have sealed the win but not for some woeful finishing from Didier Drogba and some even worse officiating: Tom Hening Ovrebo gave a soft red card to Barca fullback Eric Abidal and spent the rest of the match making up the call, waving away three penalty claims from Chelsea, one of which would have been the most blatant hand ball of 2009 had Henry not provided us the Hand of Frog. Despite all of the post-match protests from Chelsea, Barca moved on and Iniesta bumped Essien for the biggest of prizes: Cup Geek’s Goal of the Year 2009. I’m sure his mother’s very, very proud.
If you’re at all curious about FIFA’s take on the goals of the year, you can check that out here.
Next cliché Top Ten: Games of the Year
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