Friday, December 18 The UEFA Champions League round of 16 draw took place in Nyon, Switzerland. UEFA managed to offer some drama despite a distinct lack of Charlize Theron, confused look and all.
Chelsea were drawn with former boss and notorious megalomaniac Jose Mourinho. The physical evocation of his ego is now named Inter Milan. And just like Chelsea under his stead, they've spent exorbitant sums to play defensive and boring, albeit winning, soccer. The Joses currently lead the Italian Serie A by 5 points while Chelsea hold a 3 point lead in the Premier League. Also of note, Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti was previously at the head of Inter Milan's chief rivals, AC. His record against Inter: 5 wins, 5 losses in the Serie A, but more importantly, a 5-0 aggregate victory over two legs in the Champions League semifinal in 2005.
Chelsea were drawn with former boss and notorious megalomaniac Jose Mourinho. The physical evocation of his ego is now named Inter Milan. And just like Chelsea under his stead, they've spent exorbitant sums to play defensive and boring, albeit winning, soccer. The Joses currently lead the Italian Serie A by 5 points while Chelsea hold a 3 point lead in the Premier League. Also of note, Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti was previously at the head of Inter Milan's chief rivals, AC. His record against Inter: 5 wins, 5 losses in the Serie A, but more importantly, a 5-0 aggregate victory over two legs in the Champions League semifinal in 2005.
The other notable draw also sees an English club pitted against Milanese side. Manchester United are seeking revenge after being embarrassed 3-0 away to AC Milan in the semifinal of the 2007 edition of the Champion's League. Both lie second in their respective domestic tables, both were strong armed into selling their best players to Real Madrid over the summer (Ronaldo and Kaka, respectively), both feature some ugly, ugly dudes.
Rooney vs. Ronny...
For the rest of the draw, click here:
Saturday, December 19 Speaking of Man Utd losing 3-0 away... Man Utd were thumped in Premier League action by Fulham, who were inspired by a rampant Bobby Zamora. Yeah, that's right, I said it. Bobby Zamora. Despite moving pictures and first hand accounts to support that fact but I remain unconvinced. I just can't believe it. Bobby Zamora: match winner. That's like Luda Hoe: vegetarian. Fundamentally, I don't have anything against the guy, but Zamora's recent success comes as a disappointment to me for this reason: he's killing the best song in soccer. Before hell turned into an ice rink, his own fans enjoyed reminding him of his deficiencies with this anthem, set to the tune of Dean Martin's "That's Amore": "When you're sat in row zed and the ball hits your head, that's Zamora!" I'm sure it's a boon for Fulham fans to see him in such a rich vein of form, but all this accurate shooting and competent forward play is depriving the rest of us of a good laugh. I, for one, am holding out hope for a return to normal service: the touch of a child molester and the aim of Dick Cheney, all at a sloth's pace. Now that's Zamora!
Sunday, Dec 20 After being fired as manager of Manchester City directly following their 4-3 win over Sunderland on Saturday, Mark Hughes claims he was given “no forewarning” as to the club’s decision. The despairing blankness he carried on his face through much of the match, however, suggested he either had some idea of his imminent dismissal or he had forgotten his Depends.
Sunday, Dec 20 After being fired as manager of Manchester City directly following their 4-3 win over Sunderland on Saturday, Mark Hughes claims he was given “no forewarning” as to the club’s decision. The despairing blankness he carried on his face through much of the match, however, suggested he either had some idea of his imminent dismissal or he had forgotten his Depends.
See my term-paper like summation of his dismissal and Roberto Mancini’s hire on Wednesday's post.
Monday, Dec. 21 Leo Messi was named FIFA World Player of Year to go with his FIFpro Player of the Year Award and his Balon D’or (European Player of the Year). On top of those individual accolades, his team Barcelona won all six competitions they entered. The La Liga crown was followed in quick succession by the Copa del Rey and Champions league trophies last spring. They’ve started this season in fine form capturing the Spanish and European Super Cups before recently finishing 2009 by winning the World Club Cup in Abu Dhabi last Saturday. Champions of Spain, champions of Europe, champions of the World. Not a bad year for the little Argentine, to say the least.
However, the Cup Geek took none of that into account when choosing his Player of the Year: Bastian Schweinsteiger. No trophy shines quite like the one he’s been gifted with.
Her name is Sarah Brandner. I’m quite certain she is a different species from my own.
Tuesday, Dec. 22 Did Tuesday even exist? I’m not really sure. Here’s another photo of Sarah. Let’s call it even.
Wednesday, Dec. 23 Cal put me out of my misery by concluding their schizophrenic season with a 37-27 loss to Utah in a bowl game that didn’t exist five years ago and won’t exist five years from now. The most depressing aspect of this season’s capitulation is the realization that the hope of a Rose Bowl in the very near future has been all but ruled out. If ever there was a year this one was it. USC won’t be this bad again. Oregon is good, scary good, and will be so for the near to distant future. And they’re returning 20 starters from this Rose Bowl team that eviscerated us in Eugene. And as it turns out, Mike Riley not only runs a more efficient and sophisticated offense than Jeff Tedford but is also a better game manager and motivator. Despite eight years of foreplay, it seems the climax all Cal fans were expecting simply isn’t on its way.
Thursday, Dec. 24 Coach Bob Bradley named his training camp squad for Team USA's January 23 friendly against Honduras. Among this 30 man group are a handful of players even I haven't heard of. Me. Self-proclaimed geek of everything soccer. I understand giving some of the peripheral players a shot at making the South Africa squad, but for many of the players (Kevin Hartman, Zach Thornton, Jeff Larentowicz, Dax Macarty, Marcus Tracy) it just seems downright cruel to let them think they have a chance. This is setting up kind of like a teen movie where the cool kids invite the outcasts to a "party" only to humiliate them (Never Been Kissed, Happy Gilmore, Carrie, etc.). Word of advice for Jeff Larentowicz based on pop-culture lessons: I would stay away from any and all late night "traditions" the older guys want to share.
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Many of you are probably assuming that the Cup Geek fancies Sarah Brandner for her...um...physical assets. You would be wrong. Luda's real fantasy is the personal delivery of liquid assets right to his seat...so he doesn't have to miss a single minute of Pavel Nedved stretching during warmup. That she's drop-dead fucking gorgeous is a pleasant but completely ancillary bonus.
ReplyDeleteMy dear Bastian, I know I've given you a lot of shit over the years for being the descendant of pig mounters*, but I'm pretty sure I'd mount (or be mounted by) just about anything for a night with Sarah. Hook a brother up! Or at least let me watch.
ReplyDelete*OK, OK, it's probably pig "farmers" if you're willing to concede a slightly less literal translation. Personally, I am not.