WEEK IN FOOTBALL Friday, Dec. 18, 2009

I promise I'll reduce the use of "football" from now on, but "Week in Soccer" makes it sound like I'm covering AYSO or something.

Friday, Dec. 11
In precisely six months, the World Cup will kick off at Soccer City Stadium in Johannesburg when hosts South Africa take on Mexico.


Saturday, Dec. 12
Stoke City played host to Wigan Athletic in the English Premier League, which really isn't news in and of itself.  That's like the Jaguars playing the Texans; unfashionable teams that aren't the best or worst in a contest that will decide nothing.  But then this happened!  Wigan defender Maynor Figueroa beats Stoke keeper Thomas Sorensen from a few yards into his own half.  It's not necessarily an impossible goal—a few other players have scored similar goals in the recent past.  When David Beckham was still a precocious youngster a little over a decade ago, he famously achieved the feat against Wimbledon.  Paul Robinson, a goalkeeper no less, scored on a 70 yard lob against Watford in 2006.  (Now, before you say "Wow, that Paul Robinson must be some player," he is also responsible for this, so… yeah.)  What makes Figueroa's so spectacular, though, is the fact that Sorensen isn't really out of position.  Most of the times when this happens, keepers are cheating off their line a bit.  Unfortunately the Youtube video doesn't show you that Sorensen's only 8 yards or so off the goal line, not unusual place to find the keeper in a situation like this.  Unlike Beckham and Robinson who lobbed the ball, goal kick style, Figueroa has the audacity to drive the ball; from the time he strikes the ball to the moment it hits the net is less than three seconds.  And of course, look where it ends up: perhaps it's incidental from that distance, but he finds the top corner.  Well done, Mr. Figueroa, well done.  Take a bow.

In tackle football news, Tim Tebow came in fifth in Heisman voting by a huge margin.  I danced a little jig in my living room.


Sunday, Dec. 13
Before Arsenal's visit to Anfield, Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez declared that the "season begins now."  Sunday was the 6th time their season has started this year.  And like all the other new beginnings, things sputtered quickly.  Liverpool looked bright in the first half and took a deserved lead through Dirk Kuyt.  But 7 calamitous minutes early in the second  saw defender Glen Johnson score a comedic own goal and Arsenal's Russian circus midget Andre Arshavin fire a gem of a match winner.  The start of Liverpool's season has again been postponed.  When I was a kid on the playground I used to always imagine game winning scenarios for myself (not that I don't anymore): "89th minute, Champions League Final.  Luda Hoe lines up a free kick from 25 yards.  And he… sends it over the bar by a clear 20 yards.  But wait!  The ref has ordered it to be retaken."  In my backyard I could always rewind and start again…. because it's fucking fantasy!  Rafa: your season began in August when everyone else's did.  The Premier League is not a Playstation; you cannot just restart at your whim.


Monday, Dec. 14
World Cup ticket applications hit 500,000.  In case you've suddenly struck an interest in going, you can enter the lottery through FIFA's official site here.  US Soccer Federation Supporters Club Members can get priority for US matches in the lottery, but if you weren't previously a member, it's too late now.  My bad.


Tuesday, Dec. 15
Manchester United's game vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers (yes, that is a team name) was won before kickoff when it was announced that ten reserves were in the starting lineup for Wolves.  Which begs the question: in a round robin format like the English Premier League, is it the duty of each manager to play his best possible team to ensure the competitive integrity of the league?

Yeah, Tuesday was pretty uneventful.

Wednesday, Dec. 16
Stuttgart goalkeeper Jens Lehmann (the famed urinator from last week's Week in Football segment, and geek favorite) was suspended for three matches for needlessly stomping the foot of an opposing player in a German Bundesliga match.  After the game he was approached by a fan who asked for some civility from the player.  Jens' response: he took the glasses straight off the fan's face and walked off with them, only returning the spectacles when begged.  If this man isn't the definition of class, I don't know who is.  More on Jens later.

Also, Landon Donovan provided further proof that challenges just aren't his kind of thing by signing a contract extension with the MLS through 2013.  He's turning into the Van Wilder of American soccer, repeatedly putting off a real career to be the biggest fish in a very small pond.

Thursday, Dec. 17
It was revealed that Landon will, however, be joining Everton on a temporary loan in January.  Maybe Tim Howard can give Landon the "dare to be great" speech that Taj gave Van Wilder.  If the US National Team is to have a chance in South Africa, they need their best player to be playing teams not named after energy drinks.